If you think someone is thinking about suicide, assume you are the only one who will reach out and engage them privately in an honest conversation. You don’t need special training to have an open, authentic conversation about mental health – and often, just talking about it can be the first important step in understanding where someone is with their mental health and helping them get support or treatment if needed. That one conversation could be the start to saving a life.
Have an honest conversation
Remember you are not a trained therapist. Your job is not to fix them. Your job is to build a connection, open the lines of communication and let them know they matter by listening to their story and showing them you care and are taking their concerns seriously.
- Approach them in private.
- Open the conversation showing your vulnerability.
Example (see more examples below): Are you ok? I care about you and I’ve noticed you haven’t been yourself lately. You seem {more frustrated} than you’ve been in a while, and I’m wondering how you’re doing. I’ve been through things in my life, too, and what I’ve often found is that talking about it helps. Whatever it is, I’m here to listen and support you. - Listen to their story and take their concerns seriously.
- Tell them you care about them and their life matters to you.
- Avoid debating the value of life, minimizing their problems or giving advice.
- Ask directly if they are thinking about suicide, calmly and without judgement.
- Encourage them to seek treatment or contact their doctor or therapist.
- Follow up after your conversation to let them know it was okay to open up, that you care, and that you’re still a “safe” person to talk to about mental health.
If a person says they are considering suicide
Someone considering suicide is experiencing a life-threatening health crisis and may not believe they can be helped. Work with them to keep them safely away from lethal means like firearms and drugs and remind them that their suffering is temporary.
- Take the person seriously.
- Stay with them.
- Help them remove lethal means.
- Call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: 988
- Text TALK to 741741 to text with a trained crisis counselor from the Crisis Text Line for free, 24/7.
- Escort them to mental health services or an emergency room.
Find more resources at How to Start and Continue a Convo About Mental Health | AFSP
Other conversation starters and reassuring phrases
- The other day I noticed you seemed upset. I made a note that I wanted to talk with you. I’m really concerned about how you’re doing. Want to talk?
- Nothing you’re going through changes how I feel about you, and how awesome I think you are.
- I’m so glad you’re telling me about how much has been going on, and how you’re feeling. Thank you for sharing this with me.
- Have these thoughts led to any specific changes in your life, like trouble sleeping, or keeping up with work?
- I really care about you, and I want you to know you can tell me anything.
- I want to support you, and I’ll be here if you want to talk more later.
- I really think talking to someone can help you gain some perspective and keep things from getting worse.
- You’re in good company: the highest-performing executives and elite athletes lean on mental health professionals. Reaching out for professional guidance and therapy is a strong thing to do, and it can make all the difference.
- I could call your insurance with you, or go online to find a mental health professional or substance use program. Or I could sit with you while you do it. We can figure it out together.
- I’ve really been thinking about what we talked about, and I want to circle back. How’re you feeling since we spoke?
If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out to a helpline or mental health professional in your country. You are not alone, and help is available. www.findahelpline.com.
