Un-becoming to Become

Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything.  Perhaps it’s un-becoming everything that isn’t really you so you can become who you were meant to be in the first place. 

I saw something similar to this posted on a friend’s social, who I knew in my college days.   It resonated with me and provided me a different way to look at the journey I have been on for the last 12 years.   I had been breaking through the noise of my life to become aware of who I was (both things I was proud of and not so proud of), to be grateful for the opportunity and choice to adjust, and to take action to be who I was meant to be and who I always was, but somehow had lost in the noise.  My passion for coaching and developing others truly became real to me when I was in college as a result of my days on crew and the fabulous coaches that brought out the best in me.  After graduation, they gave me the opportunity to give back be becoming one of the rowing coaches for a couple years.  They provided me the roles models I needed and gave me a lifelong passion for helping others.

So, I reached out to my college friend.  I was curious to know where this was coming from.   We chatted about our journeys, what we learned, and reminisced about the college days.  My college friend and I discussed a few of the topics (being our true selves, road rage, and hard times that were blessings in disguise) and when, why and how our breakthroughs happened.  I shared my web site and a few of the blogs that resonated with both of us.  His closing statement was super powerful.  “I am more me now then I have ever been.  I am probably very similar to how you remember me 30 years ago” (and in the typical humor I remember) “minus the gray hair, a few wrinkles, a few pounds and a lot of tattoos.”   He also said, “I know this may sound funny, but I am proud of you for what you have accomplished.”  To which I replied, it doesn’t sound funny to me at all, you should read my blog Don’t Hide Your Emotions.  Hey Chris, I am proud of you and who you have become despite and because of everything that you faced.

My Recipe for Un-Becoming

Your life is a result of the choices you make.  If you don’t like your life, make better choices.”

I discovered that I was just going through life “letting things happen” and “having gut reactions” rather than choosing to make things happen or choosing my actions to achieve the outcomes I was after.  I was living someone else’s purpose and not my own – trying hard to be the person others wanted me to be (at home, at work, with family, with friends).  It was taking its toll.  To please others or to avoid challenges, I was not pleasing myself.  In fact, even though I was successful at work and on the outside to others, I was becoming overwhelmed, stressed, unhealthy, angry and bitter and that was starting to reflect in my actions (you can read more about my story here). I was lucky enough to have the experience and courage to stand up to myself and do something about it.  I started becoming aware, being grateful and taking action.

“Everything is a choice. To be happy, sad, stressed, fulfilled, it’s your choice. The key is the best choice is not always directly in front of you. You may need the courage to change your perspective, realign your compass, and take a different path.”

Your power comes from your ability to recognize when you have a choice and to choose wisely.  In basic terms, if you don’t like something, change it.  If you can’t change it, change your attitude.

Here are my 3 steps to recognize what I wanted to un-become so I could become who I was meant to be.

  1. Become aware of your opportunities to make better choices and understand why it matters to you.
  2. Be grateful for the opportunity to choose better.
  3. Take action by making a different choice and reinforcing it.

Oh, by the way, in case you need it, You Are Enough. Everything you need to be successful is already within you: Untapped potential, talents, and capabilities are waiting to be unleashed.  Embrace your journey of self-discovery and self-belief, for it is through recognizing your own worth and embracing your unique strengths that you will unlock the doors. 

Your Turn: 5-Minute Cup Filler Exercise

Grab a Poster as a daily reminder.

If you got this far, I am proud of you, you are likely this far because you are curious how to start un-becoming to become in your life.   Here is a 5-minute daily exercise to develop your skills to become who you were meant to be.  Before you begin if you want another example, check out the Power of Choice.

“Choose to be a better version of yourself every day.”

Think back over the last 24 hours.

BECOME AWARE: Name one choice (behavior / struggle) you made you want to change the outcome of and why.

TIP: If you need help getting started, try thinking about some of these categories: family, friends, faith, work, health, finances, community, strangers and ask yourself these questions.

  1. Was there anything you did you are not proud of?
  2. Were there times you reacted negatively (perhaps for no known reason)?
  3. Were there times you felt out of control (things are just happening to you)?
  4. Did you pass up any opportunities to be better?
  5. Are there things you just know you want to change?

Why does this matter?  Why do you want to change it?  How is it impacting you or others?

TIP:  If you need help getting started, try thinking about these questions

  1. How did you feel the moment you made the choice (or didn’t make)?
  2. Did you simply react? Or did you make a conscious decision to react that way?
  3. Did your feelings and actions continue to impact you after?  For how long?
  4. Why did you feel that way?  React that way?
  5. How do you feel now?
  6. Next time it happens, would you choose to do it differently?

BE GRATEFUL: Rephrase your observation into the choice you can be grateful for.  What is the “better version of you” you choose instead?

I am grateful for __(insert what you became aware of)___ because it gives me a chance to __(insert what you will do differently)__.

TAKE ACTION: What is one choice you can make to improve the outcome?  Name an additional action you choose to take throughout the day to reinforce.

Choose to commit to repeat daily until you build your choice muscle, and it becomes natural!


Jen Weis

The publisher of Morning Cup.